


Pretty Boy

by levaille



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, Vocaloid
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Exhibitionism, M/M, implied threesome, sword porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:33:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levaille/pseuds/levaille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuuma and Ghirahim met by moonlight. They fucked by it, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretty Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scarlett the ultimeme](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=scarlett+the+ultimeme).



> my friends and I play a game where we find/write really graphic or embarrassing fanfiction and we have to read it outloud to each other, so I wrote some graphic sword porn of my friend's anime/video game crushes for her to read outloud.
> 
> so this is a joke fic. please do not take this seriously!!
> 
> while it is crack, and it is sword porn, it is pretty graphic and freaky so do beware.

It was dark out, well past the time Yuuma usually got in bed. But still awake, he sat in the hallway. He’d locked himself out again. Fourth time this week. He really needed to start keeping track of those pesky keys.

As he was just about to drift off to sleep, footsteps roused him from his blissful unconsciousness. As the footfalls worked their way closer, Yuuma wrenched his itchy, sleep-filled eyes open, and caught a glimpse of a reddish coattail.

“FUCK!” The exclamation came from somewhere near the apartment building’s elevators, which, as Yuuma knew, from his exhausting walk up 7 flights of stairs, were out of order. After the sound of something impacting the wall, the stranger to whom the footfalls and coattails belonged swished into the hall. Upon seeing Yuuma, the stranger asked, “Where’s the stairs?”

Yuuma stood up, disliking the way this stupidly dressed man towered over him. “They’re over there,” Yuuma said, pointing towards the end of the hall. As the man stormed by, Yuuma extended his hand and caught the man’s elbow, holding him back. “I did you a favor, and you’re not going to repay me?”

The stranger looked searchingly into the other’s eyes, before growling, “What do you want from me?” and jerking his arm from the pink-haired squatter.

“Your name, pretty boy,” Yuuma replied, reaching up to lightly touch the corner of the other man’s chin.

“It’s Ghirahim, creep. Now walk away before I make you.”

“Oh, no need to be so… defensive.” Yuuma stepped closer, pulling his hood away from his face. Without the deep shadows misshaping this man’s features, Ghirahim was taken aback at how handsome a pink-haired, jacket-clad creep could be. His hair, while silly, framed his face in such a way that accented his cheekbones, and thinned his eyes. Even the terrible choice of color for his hair brought out the green of his irises. Such stunning features… Lips parting, Ghirahim was lost in the world inside the man’s face. Without realizing it, Ghirahim had brought a hand up, ghosting over the pink-hair’s cheek. “I’m Yuuma,” the man breathed. “May I kiss you?”

Without replying, Ghirahim slid his hand from Yuuma’s cheek to the back of his neck, pulling his head down into a gentle kiss. It was dry, and feather-light, but sweet nonetheless.

When Yuuma first saw the man who calls himself Ghirahim, he knew he was handsome. With his expertly straightened hair and severe features, how could he not be? But he hadn’t anticipated just how intoxicating kissing the shorter man could be. When he finally willed himself to break away, he took a closer look at the face in front of him. His flat hair, white before his age, hid a quarter of his face. Brushing the thin locks away, Yuuma could properly take in his wide  and purple-ringed eyes, his thin and reptilian nose, his wide-set mouth. While those features would not normally be attractive, something about the way they came together on this puzzling man’s face was more attractive than anyone Yuuma had ever seen, sword or otherwise.

“Say,” Yuuma began, letting Ghirahim’s hair fall back into his face, “you wouldn’t mind coming into my room for a little bit… would you?”

“No… I don’t think I would…” Ghirahim said breathlessly.

Yuuma tried the handle before remembering that his door was locked. Shit… Yuuma looked around, gauging the chances of being interrupted in the usually quiet and traffic-free hallway. Thinking about doing something so private in a place where anyone could easily find them gave him a perverse rush. “Ghirahim,” Yuuma began uncertainly. He didn’t know how well this stranger would react to being told they had to fuck in public. “I locked myself out of my apartment… do you mind?”

“Allow me.” Ghirahim nudged Yuuma out of the way of the door. Two small blades appeared and drifted closer to the lock.

“NO!” Yuuma yelled, pushing Ghirahim away from his door. “If this gets damaged, my rent is higher! I can’t risk your knives hurting my lock!”

“I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a euphemism,” Ghirahim said, winking.

“I’m serious, man.”

“Fair enough,” he stated, the knives disappearing. “Then we’ll just have to do it out here.” The white-haired man began undoing the clasp on his cape, but Yuuma gripped his wrists to stop him.

“No… Allow me.”

Once the robe was off, Yuuma’s hands roamed around the diamonds of bare skin, fingertips ghosting over his toned stomach, stroking the wider expanse on his thighs. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

A low chuckle emanated from the smaller man. “Not in the slightest.”

Yuuma suddenly faced the ceiling. He noted that that apartment building’s carpet was surprisingly soft against the skin where his shirt had ridden up. Ghirahim crawled onto his hands and knees above him, settled between Yuuma’s legs. The smaller man leaned in and caught his lips once again in a bruising, rough kiss.

“Can I?” Ghirahim said as they broke apart and sat back on his heels, searching Yuuma’s eyes for any hesitation, but saw only a deep hunger.

“Be my guest,” Yuuma inclined his head before reaching up for Ghirahim, missing the physical contact. He put a gray-skinned hand on Yuuma’s chest, forcing him back down. The white-haired man loosened Yuuma’s tie, and slipped his jacket over his shoulders. The position made it slightly awkward, but together they did manage to be rid of the cumbersome item of clothing. Ghirahim pushed Yuumas shirt up, splaying his fingers over the taut skin, feeling Yuuma’s abdominal muscles working beneath them.

Ghirahim leaned in close enough for Yuuma to feel his breath on his ear, and whispered, “I’m gonna fuck you into next week. Now sword-up.”

“I get all tingly when you take control like that,” Yuuma joked, before transforming into his Wakizashi form. Ghirahim’s lips parted and his eyes widened as he took in the  beautiful sight that lay before him. Yuuma’s sheath was decorated with swashes of yellow, and tendrils of red creeping over the patterned black. His blade was on the short short side, but thick.

“What, never seen a sword before?” Yuuma teased.

“Of course I have, but most have been more like staffs… none so sharp, and... swordy…”

“I admire your way with words. Now get to it.” In a pop of light, Ghirahim transformed into his rapier. His blade was already bare, glistening in the dim light of the hallway. He was long and thin, and his hilt had an outdated handguard, Yuuma noted. So he’s old-school, huh?

Ghirahim began to reach into Yuuma’s sheath, but the Wakizashi stopped him. “No, Ghirahim. I’m ready enough.”

“Are you sure? It’s going to hurt…”

“That’s okay. Just trust me. I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

That did rest Ghirahim’s nerves, but he was still wary of hurting the man he’d so suddenly taken a liking to. But he did need to trust that Yuuma would let him know if it felt wrong. He pressed forward, sinking the tip of his blade into Yuuma’s tight sheath. He didn’t fit quite right, but it was good enough for them.

“Oooh, Yuuma,” Ghirahim moaned, digging his guard into Yuuma’s hilt. “You feel so good around me… hot little sheath…”

“Move…” Yuuma groaned. “Move, dammit!”

With that, Ghirahim began to set a punishing pace, sliding in and out of Yuuma’s tight sheath rapidly, and hard. “Are you okay, Yuuma?”

“Yes, ahh, oh, it’s perfect, just— ah, keep going,” Yuuma moaned, reaching for his neglected blade, desperate for more friction.

Ghirahim smacked his hilt away from himself, tutting with mock disappointment. “No, no, pretty boy. You don’t get to do that until after.” He leaned down and bit down on Yuuma’s handguard, hard. “A mischievous boy like you needs to be dealt with… firmly.”  Yuuma actually whined.  “Ooh, desperate for it, I see?”

Ghirahim began slicing in harder, faster. The slow burn grew inside Yuuma’s sheath. The balance between pain and pleasure was starting to tip towards the former, until Ghirahim’s blade brushed something in his sheath that felt positively wonderful. Pleasure rocketed through him, spreading to every soldered seam, every expertly painted line. He whimpered as Ghirahim touched that spot again. And again. And again, and again, and again until Yuuma was reduced to a whining and moaning mess under the shorter man.

Ghirahim wrapped a handguard around Yuuma’s blade, twisting and stroking until the sheath tightened, dragging the rapier over the edge. But swords don’t come, so nothing happened.

They turned back from swords and lay on the ground in a sweaty, sated mess. It wasn’t until Yuuma sat up because his leg was sleep that he noticed they had company.

The man noticed Yuuma looking at him. “Uhh…” ‘Blue’ is all Yuuma had the soundness of mind to note. The man at the end of the hallway pretended to be busy with his mail.

“Hey,” Ghirahim said to the man, giving a wave. “Whatcha… whatcha lookin’ at there?”

“Oh, uhh... some bills,” the man said, holding up his mail. “Ha… uh, yeah, nothin’ much today. So…”

“Um… bye.”

“Oh, yes, okay… bye… right… I’m leaving.” The man began to open his door. “I’m Mikuo by the way…”

“Hey Mikuo!” Yuuma yelled.

“I’ll just be going now…”

“Yep…” Ghirahim said from his place on the floor.

“So… I will… see you later…” He started to open his apartment door.

“Prob’ly not,” Yuuma slurred.

“Oh..kay.” And with that, Mikuo left.

Another door on the other side of the hallway swung open.

“Hey boys.”

Yuuma wrenched his head around. “Oh, hey, Masamune!” Yuuma smacked his hand lightly against Ghirahim’s shoulder to get his attention. “This is Masamune, Ghirahim!”

“Hey Masamune.”

“Hey,” the man said casually, as if he totally hadn’t just heard them having sword sex. “Hey, listen. Next time you two wanna have sex—”

“Oh, sorry, were we too loud?” Yuuma said, trying to sit up.

“Oh, no, nothing like that!” Masamune scratched the back of his neck. “I just thought that, maybe, you’d rather do it inside… of my apartment, I mean.”

“...huh?”

“Ugh, okay. Gonna make me say it, huh? Okay… Next time, can we have a threesome?”

“Oh, sure.”

“Cool.” Masamune began to step back inside his own apartment. “Nice to meet ya, Ghirahim.”

“Yep.”

A few minutes passed.

“I should go.” Ghirahim said, hesitantly getting up.

“Oh, sure. Thanks, bro. It was good.”

“Yeah, yeah, any time.” Ghirahim walked steadily down the hallway, towards the stairs he was looking for in the first place.

Yuuma lay there in contented silence a little while longer, before his eyes snapped open.

“I’m still locked out of my apartment.”

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr at [crackcocainefics](http://crackcocainefics.tumblr.com)


End file.
